[He didn’t realize how thirsty he was until she offered him the water. Prior to dying, he had been trying to ration his water strictly; Reminding himself that being dehydrated was normal at the orphanage, so he should be the one who toughed it out.
Today he unscrews the lid. He needs to drink, or he won’t get any better.]
Should I leave? [The things Serenity did still make him shudder. He’s trying to force those memories aside, not wanting to muddy his image of Usagi.
[She knew that Usagi would blame herself for everything, she'd feel guilty. And though she wouldn't admit, Makoto knew that she counted on Atsushi, Makoto counted on him too. Starting to reach out to take his hand she stopped, instead crossing it over her body to hold her other arm.]
[In a rare moment of properly placed empathy, Atsushi notices her hand reaching out and chases it with his own. Even if it means covering her hand over her arm.]
[She hadn't expected him to reach after her, and was relieved a little when he did as she turned her hand so that they were intertwined.]
Neither of us knew what was going to happen. You needed to be here in case she had come home, or someone else came for her. I'm sorry that I didn't make it back.
[Atsushi shakes his head. A slow effort, because he doesn't want to aggravate his headache.]
No. I should have been with you. [He unconsciously gives her hand a light squeeze,] Usagi-chan is important, but so are you. I should never have left you to do everything yourself.
[She lingered for a moment on the touch, returning the squeeze lightly.]
Thank you. I don't think it would have changed much, but whatever happens next we can do it together so neither of us has to do it on our own. We can wait for Usagi together and help take care of the other.
[He has to close his eyes again. Dizzy, miserable, but at least Makoto's hand is a warm defense against his fever chills. A kind reminder that his opinion that he should have forced her to accept help goes both ways: Atsushi needs to accept more help, even if it's not what he's used to.]
... I'll ask some friends to help with meals. So let's get your room settled, okay? You need to rest too.
[They could both use help, and maybe if they let the other help they'd be able to make it through all of this mainly intact. Mokoto nodded when he mentioned friends and getting her room set up.]
Rei said she would come by the check on us. After we get a little rest I can make us some soup too. But water and a nap are going to be best for now.
[He's suddenly relieved that he already asked for help, rather than burdened by it. Atsushi shakes his head slowly, then stands up. Also a slow movement, where he sways as he regains his balance.]
I asked someone to bring us soup. We only need to rest today.
Bella-san offered. She said that she had some extra.
[He appreciates being steadied. If he felt better, he may have used the Tiger for a balancing tail. Atsushi can barely get the Tiger to cooperate with enhanced hearing and sight.]
I can wait by the door. I am the one who asked. [Somehow that makes it his responsibility.]
[He remembers she had died barely a day before him. Makoto hasn’t had nearly enough time to recover. So he shakes his head and tries to steady himself.]
You can make those calls laying down, right? I can greet Bella-san and get back to bed.
[Knowing that he was laying down and resting would help her to at least feel like she didn't have to be doing something right then. Though she thought about getting a wet washcloth for him and making sure that he kept drinking the water.]
[He's so unused to people caring about him that Atsushi doesn't even consider that his resting might actually help her. If Makoto wasn't here, he would be pushing his health until he passed out on the floor. Atsushi doesn't know how else to make up for dying.
But he does pause at her words. Even if his death was quick and painless, it was still death. He died. That brief thought makes him feel so cold.]
[Once they made it to his room, she helped him to the bed.]
Is there anything that you need, I'll leave another water just in case your thirsty. But I can grab a trashcan if you feel like you might be sick.
[She hadn't been sure if it had been the flu or the realization of what happened that had made her so ill when she'd returned. But luckily Vira-Lorr had been there as had a bucket for her.]
[This is all very strange to Atsushi, who is sincerely unused to anyone caring about his well being. If he got sick or hurt at the orphanage, it was likely on purpose.
He shakes his head.]
I think I'm okay, uh. [Unsure how to accept help, but knowing he needs to try. Atsushi is learning.] Makoto-chan... Thank you. I'm sorry for the trouble.
[So he feels really guilty being the one helped into bed. It should be him helping Makoto. It should have been him helping Makoto from the beginning, to prevent her death in the first place...
Atsushi wants to stay sitting up, but his head hurts so much. His body betrays him as he sways and falls back against the pillows. This really sucks and he really hates it. He moves a hand to his forehead, trying to guard against a migraine.]
We can take turns, right? Looking after each other in shifts? You need rest too, Makoto-chan.
That sounds like a good idea. We can help take care of each other and make sure that we don't overdo it.
[She liked that idea, and it was a little comforting because it meant that he'd take care of himself. Makoto felt a little selfish about it, but it also meant that he was thinking of her as well.]
Get some rest for now though, I'm going to change and lie down too.
[Atsushi nods in agreement. He wants to make it easier for her and knows she probably wants to get to bed now... But first, he gently grabs her sleeve.]
Hey. Thanks... I’m glad you’re here.
[He’s so glad she’s alive. When he realized she’d died, he had really lost his cool. Thinking about it makes him feel sick(er) even now.
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Today he unscrews the lid. He needs to drink, or he won’t get any better.]
Should I leave? [The things Serenity did still make him shudder. He’s trying to force those memories aside, not wanting to muddy his image of Usagi.
But Serenity was scary.
Dying was scary.
He closes his eyes.]
I don’t know if I could.
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[She knew that Usagi would blame herself for everything, she'd feel guilty. And though she wouldn't admit, Makoto knew that she counted on Atsushi, Makoto counted on him too. Starting to reach out to take his hand she stopped, instead crossing it over her body to hold her other arm.]
I'd like it if you stayed.
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Then I will. We're stronger together?
[Though,] I'm sorry. I should have gone with you.
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[She hadn't expected him to reach after her, and was relieved a little when he did as she turned her hand so that they were intertwined.]
Neither of us knew what was going to happen. You needed to be here in case she had come home, or someone else came for her. I'm sorry that I didn't make it back.
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No. I should have been with you. [He unconsciously gives her hand a light squeeze,] Usagi-chan is important, but so are you. I should never have left you to do everything yourself.
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Thank you. I don't think it would have changed much, but whatever happens next we can do it together so neither of us has to do it on our own. We can wait for Usagi together and help take care of the other.
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[He has to close his eyes again. Dizzy, miserable, but at least Makoto's hand is a warm defense against his fever chills. A kind reminder that his opinion that he should have forced her to accept help goes both ways: Atsushi needs to accept more help, even if it's not what he's used to.]
... I'll ask some friends to help with meals. So let's get your room settled, okay? You need to rest too.
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Rei said she would come by the check on us. After we get a little rest I can make us some soup too. But water and a nap are going to be best for now.
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I asked someone to bring us soup. We only need to rest today.
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Alright, let's get some sleep then and I'll listen for someone knocking. Who did you ask?
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[He appreciates being steadied. If he felt better, he may have used the Tiger for a balancing tail. Atsushi can barely get the Tiger to cooperate with enhanced hearing and sight.]
I can wait by the door. I am the one who asked. [Somehow that makes it his responsibility.]
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You need more rest, I've already had a chance to rest a little. Besides, there are a few calls that I need to make.
[It had been a while since she'd stopped by the library to drop off food, and this was just reminding her about that.]
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[He remembers she had died barely a day before him. Makoto hasn’t had nearly enough time to recover. So he shakes his head and tries to steady himself.]
You can make those calls laying down, right? I can greet Bella-san and get back to bed.
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[Makoto was a little more stable on her feet at the moment, but she was tired and a bed sounded really nice.]
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[But he can agree to both of them lying down. He’s tired too.]
Here. I’ll get you to your room.
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[She was at least a bit more steady and it wasn't like it was far from one room to the next anyways.]
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[Horrible excuse. Even Atsushi can feel how bad that excuse is as it leaves his mouth.
So he meekly nods.]
If it'll help you rest easier, though... Mm. My room is fine.
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[Knowing that he was laying down and resting would help her to at least feel like she didn't have to be doing something right then. Though she thought about getting a wet washcloth for him and making sure that he kept drinking the water.]
I'm glad that you're back.
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But he does pause at her words. Even if his death was quick and painless, it was still death. He died. That brief thought makes him feel so cold.]
Me too... I'm glad we're alive.
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Is there anything that you need, I'll leave another water just in case your thirsty. But I can grab a trashcan if you feel like you might be sick.
[She hadn't been sure if it had been the flu or the realization of what happened that had made her so ill when she'd returned. But luckily Vira-Lorr had been there as had a bucket for her.]
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He shakes his head.]
I think I'm okay, uh. [Unsure how to accept help, but knowing he needs to try. Atsushi is learning.] Makoto-chan... Thank you. I'm sorry for the trouble.
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[She wishes that she could have done something to keep him safe and from dying in the first place. Helping him to the bed she smiled weakly.]
But if you need anything please tell me, I want you to get better soon.
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[So he feels really guilty being the one helped into bed. It should be him helping Makoto. It should have been him helping Makoto from the beginning, to prevent her death in the first place...
Atsushi wants to stay sitting up, but his head hurts so much. His body betrays him as he sways and falls back against the pillows. This really sucks and he really hates it. He moves a hand to his forehead, trying to guard against a migraine.]
We can take turns, right? Looking after each other in shifts? You need rest too, Makoto-chan.
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[She liked that idea, and it was a little comforting because it meant that he'd take care of himself. Makoto felt a little selfish about it, but it also meant that he was thinking of her as well.]
Get some rest for now though, I'm going to change and lie down too.
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Hey. Thanks... I’m glad you’re here.
[He’s so glad she’s alive. When he realized she’d died, he had really lost his cool. Thinking about it makes him feel sick(er) even now.
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