[ Vyng knows he won't believe him. But his tone is gentle anyway. He's caught glimpses of what this kid's been through. He wants Atsushi to at least know he's got nothing to fear from Vyng. ]
[Atsushi is currently outside, trying to find something right to do. Whether that'll be fighting a zombie-looking thing or feigning usefulness in another way, he's not sure. After what happened at midnight, he has a lot to make up for.
And it's probably something he needs to warn Vyng about, too, given how his friend is always offering to help with a specific problem.]
You did your best with the bad hand that was dealt to you.
[ Vyng's words are slow and measured, and he makes sure to keep his eyes trained on the Fluid's camera. Even if it is weird to talk without another face to read, he wants to project a calm aura. ]
[He doesn't actually realize that Vyng was also attacked. Atsushi remembers nothing from the morning before, except for the intense pain and then somehow waking up in his bed. So for now, he assumes Vyng is talking about the calmer tiger that he encountered in the cell.]
I've done everything right. I'm in that cell every month.
And Mother Superior still got me to hurt someone. Vira-Lorr had to heal her. She was hurt.
I know you are, because I've stayed with you in that cell. That's how I know the tiger wouldn't have attacked anyone unless it felt cornered and afraid.
[ For now, Vyng sees no reason to draw attention to their encounter at Koji Pond. There's no point in it. ]
You know, I'd probably agree with you. If we weren't talking about a literal animal. Would you say that about a stray dog that bites people because it keeps getting hurt?
What if it happens again? I still don't know what triggered it to begin with.
[Well, he doesn't know what caused the pain. Atsushi is aware of how the tiger was protecting him, but he's not in a mood to think charitable tiger thoughts.
He also doesn't realize that he's opening up to Vyng like a therapist. Slowly descending into a guilty spiral, mixing self pity and hatred into rambling text messages.]
What do I do? Am I supposed to stay locked up all month? Can I do anything right here?
[ Never mind the fact the Tiger technically is Atsushi. And it sounds like, on some level, Atsushi may know it too. But, given the fact Atsushi also has no control or memories when he's transformed, they may as well talk about it like it's a different entity. For now.
Vyng gives a quiet sigh. ]
...Look. We're all in for a rough month, Atsushi. Every one of us. In different ways. That's why we've got to help each other out.
[ Not said to be dismissive. But instead to remind him that they're collectively suffering, together...without downplaying the severity of what his friend's going through. ]
Would locking yourself up make you feel better? I thought you hated that.
[But Vyng is right. October is going to be as bad as July, at the very least, and Atsushi is already letting himself be beaten. He isn't the only one having a bad time. Just looking out the window tells him that everyone is suffering.
He finally clicks on the video.]
No. I hate it. But what else am I supposed to do? Makoto-san only got hurt because it was me. If she wasn't so worried about hurting the tiger, she would never have been injured.
[Atsushi tries to hold a firm expression, but it's hard. He doesn't want to go back in a cell. He doesn't want to be a beast that burdens everyone.]
[ When Atsushi shows his face, some of the tension melts from Vyng's brow. Somehow, just seeing the kid puts him more at ease. Especially during such a tough talk.
Either way, that's more or less the answer he expected. Of course Atsushi doesn't want to go back into a cell. Even with someone keeping him company, there are too many cruel memories that come with it. If Vyng had it his way, they'd spend the full moons camping together in a secluded, fenced-off area under the open sky.
But for now, they've got to just get through October. ]
Let me ask you something: If the Tiger weren't a problem, what would you want to be doing right now?
[Now there’s a thought. One that visibly puzzles Atsushi. Since he learned about his ability, Atsushi has simultaneously wanted to be divided from it and to use it for all the good he can. He’s been so busy hating himself that he forgot to consider anything else.
So it takes a few minutes for Atsushi to sort his thoughts enough to imagine that scenario. One where he isn’t punishing himself with self hate.]
... I need to be out fighting. I need to use the tiger to make up for all of the trouble I’ve caused.
[He has to make up for hurting Makoto by saving people. That’s the only way he knows to make himself feel better.]
[If Atsushi has to figure out his wants over needs, he could be here all day.]
To fight. I can use the tiger’s strength to fight and heal myself.
[Spoken like this is obvious. If Vyng looks behind Atsushi, he may notice that his reckless friend is outside. His shirt is already torn at the sleeves, because he’s been transforming his arms to fight off threats.
[Atsushi could go into a whole speech about how he thinks. He has a flawed idea in his head that he can earn his place by doing good things. A burden he tried to shed, but this town keeps shoveling back on him.
But he’s tired. He’s been fighting all day and protecting the town, but he doesn’t feel like his burden has gotten any lighter. It’s frustrating to feel his own philosophy might be wrong, but be unable to change how he thinks.]
I can’t undo what I did. I can only do better moving forward.
... I need to go. The Fluid battery might run out soon and I can’t recharge it at home.
[He is indeed dodging the topic of his own issues.]
[ It's not that Vyng isn't willing to trust his friends to take care of themselves — he and Tuck have fought separately on several occasions, because they jointly decided it was the best course of action. But in Atsushi's case, it's clear he's just trying to quell the self-loathing that's eating him up from the inside. And that kind of behavior leads to needless self-sacrifice.
It's a feeling Vyng understands too well. Having it reflected back at him like this...is kind of jarring, actually. ]
Remember the labyrinth, when Tuck and I stayed away? It'll be like that, except we'll be fighting within sight of each other.
[Atsushi is indeed trying to deal with his self loathing by putting himself in harm’s way. If he has a talent for negating pain then it’s right for him to use it. Bit by bit, he can chip away at his guilt.
Or so he tells himself.]
You don’t need to fight, Vyng. You’ve done nothing wrong.
Oh, I've done plenty wrong, pal. [ He isn't even going to pretend otherwise. ] And this isn't about causing me trouble. It's about being there for a friend, because that's what friends do for each other.
[ Friends. That's what they are. Hands down. ]
You know how people have somebody spotting them when they lift weights? Think of it like that. But instead of bench pressing, you're, uh...monster punching.
... You're not going to listen to me if I say 'no,' are you?
[Vyng is being pretty insistent. It's annoying. Probably because it's something that Atsushi would do for Vyng, too, and it's weird to have his own attitude shoved back at him like this.]
[There is a bratty sigh mixed into that resignation.]
But please... You really don't need to go out of your way for me. There are other people who need you, too. [Might have admitted that he needs Vyng around. Atsushi trusts him more than anyone else when it comes to the tiger.]
[ His stubborn side doesn't have many opportunities to come out when he's around just Tuck and Billie. But boy, does he have one. Bless Atsushi for going along with it. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Vyng knows he won't believe him. But his tone is gentle anyway. He's caught glimpses of what this kid's been through. He wants Atsushi to at least know he's got nothing to fear from Vyng. ]
no subject
[Atsushi is currently outside, trying to find something right to do. Whether that'll be fighting a zombie-looking thing or feigning usefulness in another way, he's not sure. After what happened at midnight, he has a lot to make up for.
And it's probably something he needs to warn Vyng about, too, given how his friend is always offering to help with a specific problem.]
The tiger attacked someone.
no subject
[ Vyng's words are slow and measured, and he makes sure to keep his eyes trained on the Fluid's camera. Even if it is weird to talk without another face to read, he wants to project a calm aura. ]
The tiger was alone and scared.
no subject
I've done everything right. I'm in that cell every month.
And Mother Superior still got me to hurt someone. Vira-Lorr had to heal her. She was hurt.
There's no excuse for that.
no subject
[ For now, Vyng sees no reason to draw attention to their encounter at Koji Pond. There's no point in it. ]
You know, I'd probably agree with you. If we weren't talking about a literal animal. Would you say that about a stray dog that bites people because it keeps getting hurt?
no subject
What if it happens again? I still don't know what triggered it to begin with.
[Well, he doesn't know what caused the pain. Atsushi is aware of how the tiger was protecting him, but he's not in a mood to think charitable tiger thoughts.
He also doesn't realize that he's opening up to Vyng like a therapist. Slowly descending into a guilty spiral, mixing self pity and hatred into rambling text messages.]
What do I do? Am I supposed to stay locked up all month? Can I do anything right here?
no subject
[ Never mind the fact the Tiger technically is Atsushi. And it sounds like, on some level, Atsushi may know it too. But, given the fact Atsushi also has no control or memories when he's transformed, they may as well talk about it like it's a different entity. For now.
Vyng gives a quiet sigh. ]
...Look. We're all in for a rough month, Atsushi. Every one of us. In different ways. That's why we've got to help each other out.
[ Not said to be dismissive. But instead to remind him that they're collectively suffering, together...without downplaying the severity of what his friend's going through. ]
Would locking yourself up make you feel better? I thought you hated that.
text -> video; un:atsushi
[But Vyng is right. October is going to be as bad as July, at the very least, and Atsushi is already letting himself be beaten. He isn't the only one having a bad time. Just looking out the window tells him that everyone is suffering.
He finally clicks on the video.]
No. I hate it. But what else am I supposed to do? Makoto-san only got hurt because it was me. If she wasn't so worried about hurting the tiger, she would never have been injured.
[Atsushi tries to hold a firm expression, but it's hard. He doesn't want to go back in a cell. He doesn't want to be a beast that burdens everyone.]
no subject
Either way, that's more or less the answer he expected. Of course Atsushi doesn't want to go back into a cell. Even with someone keeping him company, there are too many cruel memories that come with it. If Vyng had it his way, they'd spend the full moons camping together in a secluded, fenced-off area under the open sky.
But for now, they've got to just get through October. ]
Let me ask you something: If the Tiger weren't a problem, what would you want to be doing right now?
no subject
So it takes a few minutes for Atsushi to sort his thoughts enough to imagine that scenario. One where he isn’t punishing himself with self hate.]
... I need to be out fighting. I need to use the tiger to make up for all of the trouble I’ve caused.
[He has to make up for hurting Makoto by saving people. That’s the only way he knows to make himself feel better.]
no subject
[ Atsushi just got done telling him what he needs to do. Not what he wants. There's a difference, in Vyng's mind.
But instead of arguing semantics, he continues: ]
Use the tiger how, exactly?
no subject
To fight. I can use the tiger’s strength to fight and heal myself.
[Spoken like this is obvious. If Vyng looks behind Atsushi, he may notice that his reckless friend is outside. His shirt is already torn at the sleeves, because he’s been transforming his arms to fight off threats.
It’s all he knows to do.]
no subject
Fighting to protect your friends is one thing. But...making up for all the trouble you caused? Atsushi, what does that even mean?
no subject
But he’s tired. He’s been fighting all day and protecting the town, but he doesn’t feel like his burden has gotten any lighter. It’s frustrating to feel his own philosophy might be wrong, but be unable to change how he thinks.]
I can’t undo what I did. I can only do better moving forward.
... I need to go. The Fluid battery might run out soon and I can’t recharge it at home.
[He is indeed dodging the topic of his own issues.]
no subject
Atsushi. Where are you? This isn't a burden you've got to carry alone. Especially not today.
[ Because he can't speak for the future. But he can at least be pretty certain about the present. ]
no subject
I’m fine, Vyng. I can do this.
[If Vyng comes and gets hurt, Atsushi will only feel worse. He’s being more stubborn than reasonable.]
My regeneration is dangerous if I’m near anyone. It’s safer for me to be alone.
no subject
[ It's not that Vyng isn't willing to trust his friends to take care of themselves — he and Tuck have fought separately on several occasions, because they jointly decided it was the best course of action. But in Atsushi's case, it's clear he's just trying to quell the self-loathing that's eating him up from the inside. And that kind of behavior leads to needless self-sacrifice.
It's a feeling Vyng understands too well. Having it reflected back at him like this...is kind of jarring, actually. ]
Remember the labyrinth, when Tuck and I stayed away? It'll be like that, except we'll be fighting within sight of each other.
no subject
Or so he tells himself.]
You don’t need to fight, Vyng. You’ve done nothing wrong.
[Unconscious slip of the tongue there.]
I’ve caused you enough trouble today.
no subject
[ Friends. That's what they are. Hands down. ]
You know how people have somebody spotting them when they lift weights? Think of it like that. But instead of bench pressing, you're, uh...monster punching.
no subject
[Vyng is being pretty insistent. It's annoying. Probably because it's something that Atsushi would do for Vyng, too, and it's weird to have his own attitude shoved back at him like this.]
no subject
[ He's genuinely trying to compromise here. ]
no subject
[There is a bratty sigh mixed into that resignation.]
But please... You really don't need to go out of your way for me. There are other people who need you, too. [Might have admitted that he needs Vyng around. Atsushi trusts him more than anyone else when it comes to the tiger.]
no subject
I'll keep that in mind. Like I said, though...I want to stay close to my friends.
[ A pause. ]
Thanks for humoring me.
no subject
He nods slowly.]
Mm. [His own pause.] Thanks for not leaving me.
no subject
Hey. You'd do the same for me, right?